nodding, babies and DADADA

Dear Pea,
Lately your big gesture is nodding. You nod whenever music comes on, dancing for you starts with your head. Sometimes nodding to the beat is the whole dance and sometimes you add a torso twist and bounce your knees too.  These nods are slow and deliberate and usually involve looking around the room to see who's watching. If you catch someone's eye, you will nod at them. Amazing. You also nod "yes" when we ask if you want something, or if you want to go somewhere. Even if you want to take a nap or have your diaper changed-you'll nod if you're agreeable.  You shake your head no sometimes, too, but usually only when you're refusing food.

You are still very big into sorting things. You are sort of over wallets, unless it's the real deal (mine), but you still really enjoy putting things into other things. I found my sunglasses in a table drawer, I found an aerobics CD in with your blocks and your blocks on the book shelf.

You have become really into babies. You say "BAAY!" and sometimes "BAAYbeee" and point to babies, dogs, cats and dolls. If there is a dog tied up on the street, you will wave and say "HI BAAY" over and over again.  Once in awhile you will say that a dog is a DAH, too, but usually they're BAAYbees.  We have a little stuffed doll that you're not super into playing with, but you like to tell it and us that it's a BAAAY.

There are a LOT of BAAYbees here. You like to tell me about it

You are obsessed with your Daddy. You love to hang out with him, to follow him around and to talk about him. One of your favorite toys has always been the remote control. A couple of days ago you were playing with it and turned on tht TV. Hockey was on. You pointed to the TV and happily shouted "DADA!" You will hang outside the bathroom door while Daddy is in there, knocking on the door and talking to him.  You want him to read you certain books, want him to take you places and have special games that you play only with him. I will often leave the room but be drawn back in moments later by the sound of your delighted hysterical giggles.

You are such a person these days! You play more and more by yourself, finding things that are interesting to you. Your carseat is a big attraction lately-you love climbing up into it and playing with the seat. You also understand so much! You have a great grasp on language and know what we're saying most of the time

Playing in your carseat

When I asked you to smile for the camera

You wave to people on the street or at Trader Joe's or on the subway. You sign for "milk" and "more" without a moment's pause-you know what you want and you ask for it.  You are attempting to use a fork when eating. You enjoy eating off my fork, eating off your own fork, eating with your fingers while holding a fork and putting food on the fork just to play with.  Mealtimes are pretty entertaining. Okay, life is pretty entertaining. Something about the past few weeks has been so joyous. You are a hilarious, happy, curious, adventurous little monkey. You make my heart burst.

The plan

How you play these days

Dear Pea,
You love you take things out of the containers they belong in and fill those containers with other things. Your favorite is to take all the cards out of a wallet (we have two decoy wallets with expired credit cards and gift certificates) and then put the cards in a box that holds a book set (the books of course are on the floor). You will also feed the cards through the baby gate slot into the kitchen. The other fun one is to take your blocks and put as many as will fit into an empty toy box.

You also thoroughly enjoy throwing toys "overboard," as I call it. In your bath, you will happily play with your toys until you are about ready to get out. Then, one by one, overboard they go until your bath is empty of toys and you raise your arms in the "all done" sign.  You also like to throw toys off the changing table, which is a bit of a challenge when changing your diaper.  I try to have at least four toys for you at every diaper change in case you're in an overboard sort of mood. It's not a perfect science.

no more toys in here!

Thirteen months!

Dear Pea,
You are 13 months old today! And you are definitely shifting out of Babyville and into Kidland. Though you aren't technically a toddler (as you don't toddle), you seem less and less a baby these days.

Clowning around

And, along with impending toddlerhood, you started having tantrums!  Wow.  So, your first one was two days ago, February 1st. Imbolc.  Interesting.  You were overtired as you are in this awful two nap to one nap transition that is not going smoothly at all. Finally, you fell asleep in my lap while nursing (which just doesn't happen these days except when you're sick), but I had dinner cooking in the oven that I needed to attend to about twenty minutes after you fell asleep.  Of course you woke a bit as I got up, but fell back to sleep a few minutes later when we got back to the couch. But after another twenty minutes or so, you woke back up.  It was a crap nap and it was very late in the day and you were still tired.  I needed to change your diaper after your nap and, WOW, you didn't want me to. You just started screaming. I mean, you totally lost your shit, Sweet Pea. I made it through the diaper change and lifted you off the table (still screaming) and you tried to push yourself out of my arms. You wanted me to put you down, so I did, and then you immediately wanted to be picked back up. This went on and on: you were so frustrated and tired, but have always looked to my arms for comfort that you really couldn't make sense of your emotions. "I don't want Mama! But I'm so upset, of course I want Mama! But, NO, Mama, don't hold me! MAMA! You put me on the floor!!! Get me up!"  Finally you realized that you did, in fact, need to be on the floor and got down on all fours crying hysterically while hanging your head in despair.  It really did look like a delicious release of frustration and anger. Then Daddy got home and you recovered.  Like, completely. You had tears on your cheeks but were laughing and smiling. But you did the "I'm catching my breath" breath for almost half an hour afterwards.

You've had one every day since. Have I said wow yet? WOW

Another new development is hitting. Ah, hitting. You like to hit people in the head. Mostly me, but your little buddies are fun, too. You don't hit hard, it's more like a repeated slightly more aggressive than usual pat, but man do you think it's funny. I've been grabbing your hand mid-hit and having you pet/stroke your target instead, while saying "Gentle pats!" You enjoy this, too, but go back to hitting once your hand is free. *sigh* The problem is that I think it's pretty funny, at least when you're hitting me. You have such a smile and your hand is covering my head with these pats and I know I need to tell you to knock it off, but I can't stop laughing. I have much more success in serious redirection when you're going for another sweet baby-that is NOT funny.  Well, ok, one time it was hilarious. You sort of got into it with another boy (one month younger than you): you were both hitting each other's faces and heads and both laughing your heads off. He has a twin brother so I suspect he's sort of used to rough and tumble and you both were dishing it out as much as receiving it and it really was quite sweet. But, yes, I know, I know, I need to nip it in the bud.

You have been saying "baby" when looking at older photos of yourself. You love saying and waving bye bye if someone is leaving the room or if you are leaving. You are eating so much more food (chicken soup and smoothies are a new favorites), both in quantity and variety. You have also started this funny little laugh that you do when you are enjoying something. If we're reading a story or Skyping with Uncle Rossy or eating dinner as a family, you chuckle. Yes! That's exactly what it is. It's a chuckle, very different from your regular laugh when you are being tickled.  And though you aren't walking, you walk on your knees instead of crawling sometimes, or walk while pushing something or holding onto our hands.

knee walking

taking your buddy for a ride

You have also started to play more with other kids, taking an interest in what they're doing and interacting. Aside from the "I want the toy you're playing with" idea. It's very sweet.

Sign language

Dear Pea,
I forgot to mention another great milestone: you sign!  We have been teaching you ASL for some basic things like "milk", "all done" and "more." You have invented your own interpretations of these signs and now we've recognized your interpretations and we all understand each other. It's so amazing!! For "milk" which is a hand squeezing like you're milking a cow (which I never liked anyway) you rub your thumb and pointer finger together or make a pincer grip. "All done" is both hands in the air and you use it at the table when you want to get out of your high chair (but aren't necessarily finished eating) and when you want to get out of the bath. So, I guess you've taken the sign for "all done" and taken it to mean "I'm ready to change my seating arrangement." More you've got down cold. Both hands come together in front of your face. Sometimes you clap for this one, too.  But it's very very cool to have you be able to communicate with us without getting frustrated. Now we need to learn more signs and expand this budding vocabulary!

Trusting you

Dear Pea, 

I've been having a hard week. I've been missing my mom a lot. I've been worried about your small appetite and small stature and wishing I could hear about what I was like as a baby. Was I small? Did I like bananas? (Sweet Pea, you detest bananas.) When did I walk? Motherless mothering is really fucking hard. And I've really been sitting with it as you steadily decrease on the charts, as you happily turn up food that your pals are devouring, as you remain content to crawl while your peers toddle. I felt so helpless and worried and like such a BAD mom. But I was also curious. I know I was a breastfed baby, but for how long? How much? Was it on demand, as you are or was I scheduled? Did I nurse past six months? Not that it really matters, but these are the conversations I wish I could have these days. And then, in the midst of all of this, you completely stopped eating. You still nursed, but you refused all food except breast milk.  I was really worried then, going over and over in my head all the ways I'd fucked you up *already!* around food, resorting to offering you those ridiculous baby crackers that I despise (and which you still refused).  And then, maybe 24 hours into this food strike, you started vomiting. 

Ah.

No wonder you weren't eating! You didn't feel well.

And then, maybe 24 hours after you started throwing up, my therapist friend (who nursed her two beautiful healthy daughters on demand) called to chat. She told me her oldest daughter was the same weight as you at a year, that she never had a big appetite, that she's still petite and that she's *fine*. That you babies are so smart and know what you need and will eat food when you get hungry for food.  That I'm not a bad mom. 

And everything was okay again! (Well, not my mom being dead. That's never going to be okay.) I was recommitted to not force feeding you, to not giving in to the pressures and ease of the disgusting "normal" American way of eating, to following your lead. During this latest bug, I felt so much more present and in tuned with you. You just wanted to snuggle, to nurse, to read books, to be held. I can do that. I did do that, happily. I was the mom you needed. I got puked on. But the week got easier.

Picture face!

 Massive playdate

Who wants to walk when you can climb? We don't call you "monkey" for nothing!

Pointing and pushing

Dear Pea,
You have discovered pointing. You point out things that interest you, things that you want to tough and things that you want to eat. We keep a bucket of (low sugar, organic) animal crackers above the refrigerator and you often point to those...oy.  You will also hold up one finger when we ask how old you are. Though maybe we just ask you when you happening to be pointing at something, I'm not sure this trick is parlor ready just yet.

You enjoy pushing things-it started with books and toys along the floor, but now you happily push chairs and  tables while "walking" to get you around. There's a pushing toy at the YMCA babysitting and I left you there last week while I did a quick run. When I left the room, you were happily cruising the room. When I returned, same thing. I should have added a couple more miles for us both! No signs of being close to walking on your own, though, and that's fine with us! You cruise a little bit along the couch or chairs, but really you don't stand much on your own yet.  You can, but you prefer not to. Though you will stand at a chair or table for long stretches of time, you aren't confident in your balance. It's fascinating to watch your motor skills progress.