I was so hopeful that we would not have to give you Tylenol during your first year. So determined to make that a last last resort, praying that acupressure and gua sha and homeopathic remedies would be enough. But with your last illness, your temperature rose and after a sleepless night of wailing and discomfort, we called the doctor who told us to give you Tylenol, and we did immediately. Half a dose only, because your mama is crazy. It was like magic. Within 15 minutes, you settled down, your fever dropped and you slept most of the day. And were 100% better 48 hours later, with only a bit of a runny nose to show for your awful cold.
Giving you Tylenol felt like failing on my part. Why can't I keep you healthy? Why did we have to turn to drugs? Why can't I make you better on my own? And, then, as soon as it was administered and you felt better, I laughed at my own neurosis. I don't have control. I never did, I never will. I have to make the best choice in each case and sometimes that's Tylenol. Duh
Other ways that I have failed my expectations:
- I did not want you watching TV at all in your first 3 years, and then only very sporadically. Well, you love watching TV with Daddy and he loves watching it with you and you are being exposed to sports and music and language and are happy and healthy.
- I couldn't imagine you sleeping in our bed at all, let alone for almost 11 months (and no end in sight). I thought it would be uncomfortable or strange or hard on Daddy and me. It's actually the greatest thing ever-we all sleep so well and it's so nice for both of us to wake up to your smiling face and your cheerful chatter
- I thought I'd feel more judgement from the outside world and less sure of myself and my choices. There are moments, to be sure, but they are so far less than I anticipated. We are figuring it out and we don't really care what other people think or say. How freeing!
toy wreckage in your wake
caught trying to investigate under the bed
We spend a lot of time like this
scattered blocks in the background, curious Pea coming to investigate the camera